#proverbs

SILENT WISDOM // There is a whole lot of wisdom in the book of Proverbs in the Bible. King Solomon is known as one of the wisest men in history. In my post, Halo of Influence, I share a Proverb about walking with the wise to become wise (Proverbs 13:20). Another Proverb about wisdom (Proverbs 17:27-28) says, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.”

I was reminded of a few quotes in my life on being silent: We had a coach in high school that would say, “Freshman are seen, not heard.” There was a song back in 1999, also when I was in high school, sung by Alison Krauss where the chorus went, “You say it best, when you say nothing at all.” The Black Eyed Peas reminded us with their hit song to “Shut up, just shut up, shut up.”

In our world today, silence is often perceived as passive or weak. Our generations are used to having instant podiums at their finger tips with social media. The podium gives instant feedback – allowing us to accept those that “like” our ideas and deleting, filtering, unfriending, or even attacking those that disagree. The words put on those screens can be harmful and poisonous. I’ve seen many Facebook posts that people wouldn’t dare say face-to-face. Many studies link social media to an increase in depression, anxiety, and suicide.

Yesterday was election day, which is one of my least favorite seasons. One, I can’t stand all of the commercials, junk mail, junk texts, junk e-mails, and radio ads. The negativity and smear campaigns far outweigh the good that people are doing and the positive impact they’ve made to this world. Two, it causes so much divide among long-time friends, especially on social media. It baffles me that people think they will convince others by bashing their beliefs publicly, like they’ll read those unfiltered attacks and think, “Wow, they’re absolutely right. I’m going to change my mind right now.”

These are times when I can fully understand how Solomon was so right – sometimes the most intelligent thing we can do is keep our mouth (or typing fingers) quiet. In the book of James (James 19:19) in the Bible says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

This doesn’t mean to always be silent, choosing to not speak up or stand up for what’s right. I’m learning that when I don’t know the answer, it’s okay to not make one up. I’ve also found that it’s wiser to take your time before speaking, instead of responding out of anger, frustration, or hurt. Give your emotions time to calm down and your mind time to process. Take a moment to consider the ripple effects of the words you are about to choose. Words have incredible power – in the Bible we see words creating the world, words putting curses on generations of families, and words healing those that were hopeless. Please make sure that the words coming out of your mouth are the ones you really believe in.

GETTING STARTED // I challenge you to reflect on how you interact with people. When you disagree, how do you respond? What is your ultimate objective? Is the outcome what you had hoped for? I recently took the DISC Personality test which reinforced that I’m a people pleaser. I’m not challenging you to let people walk all over you. I’m encouraging you to take an extra moment before you speak to make sure that words about to come out of your mouth are what you intend to speak, and to remember that sometimes the smartest thing you can say is nothing.

TO MY BOYS // “I’m so proud of you. I’m thankful every day that I get to be your dad! You are the very best parts of me. You are dearly loved by your mom and me. Now go out there and do your best.” – Dad

YOU ARE WHAT YOUR SURROUND YOURSELF WITH // Motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” I don’t know if I fully believe that, but I do know that the environments we are exposed to shape who we are. We were born into some of those environments and had zero control over them, while others we can have a lot of control of.

I know that when I hang out with certain people, I get really excited hearing about their projects, business dreams, or recent vacations. That motivates me to be a more productive and driven man! At least for a few days…until the feeling wears off.

There is also what I will call the Culver’s dilemma. When I go out to eat and have the best intentions of ordering something healthier, or at least smaller potions, then hear my wife order a double cheeseburger basket with cheese curds, my good intentions get thrown out the drive-up window right away and I’m getting the same, but with fries and a small chocolate Reese’s peanut butter cup concrete mixer with peanut butter sauce. What’s wrong with me?!

PROVERB // In the Bible, Proverbs 13:20 says, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” If we just put ourselves in the radius of wise people we become wise, like it will just rub off on us! But it also warns that if we hang out with fools we’re going to suffer. Not that we will become a fool, but that we will suffer harm. The biggest takeaway here is that both have a major impact on outcome. One outcome being Wisdom while the other outcome is Harm. When you look back at some of your childhood stories and some of the dumbest things you did in your life – how many of them involved an idea from someone else? Or trying to do what someone else was doing?

When I was in middle school we had a Home Economics class where we had to learn how to use a sewing machine. One day we were given the task of following a dot-to-dot with a threadless needle to work on our sewing accuracy and agility. This exercise didn’t take long, leaving idle hands for some foolish company. One kid, we’ll call him Tim, was sitting at his machine and there were a few of us around him. I stupidly dared another kid to stick his finger under the needle. He declined. I said, “Duh, watch.” No sooner had I put the tip of my finger directly under that needle when Tim’s foot tapped the pedal. I still have a scar on the tip of my left pointer finger as a reminder of how stupid that was.

DEFYING GRAVITY // Now think back to those moments that you would say you were at your best. What was different? You were motived. You had a goal. You probably had a friend, or team, or coach, or mentor, or parent, or spouse at your side all along the way. If you want to defy gravity, defying the world around you, it takes clear dreams, but it also takes a great support system around you.

DON’T BE A FOOL // In James Clear’s book Atomic Habits he has a quote that will forever be engraved in my mind: “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” I would take that a step further and say the people you choose to welcome into your life are a step towards the person you will become.

Dear Sons,

Don’t be a fool! Don’t surround yourself with people that are making choices that you don’t want for your life. Don’t hang out with people that don’t speak truth and life into you. If someone sucks the life out of you – respectfully decline their company. I’m not saying this because I’m afraid you’ll embarrass me. I love you always and no matter what. If I have to, I will be that father pacing back and forth for the prodigal son. I’m saying this because I don’t want you to waste your life.

GETTING STARTED // Write down the top 5-10 people in your life. Not in theory, but who are the people you invest the most time with? Write down their names on a piece of paper. Are those people what you want to become like? Are they encouraging and helping you grow to be a better person or are they sucking the life out of you? Sometimes there is a very difficult reality that you might need some new friends.

Tag: #proverbs

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HALO OF INFLUENCE