#anxiety

THE ASCENT Part 4

Published on October 20, 2022 by nimaj3Leave a comment

RESTART BUTTON // I shared in THE ASCENT Part 3 of recent struggles in my Ascent to improve my health with the ultimate goal of reaching the age of 100 years old. I thought that month was just a hiccup and I would soon be back on the path to improving my health…I was wrong. At that time, I was up 5 lbs from the pervious month, 1 1/2 lbs more than when I started on my 40th birthday in July. This morning I weighed 219.5 lbs, 9 1/2 lbs more than last month and 10 lbs higher than my original weight 3 months ago. I realize that weight isn’t everything, but I also feel crappier. It’s been hard to wake up in the morning, I’ve had 4 migraines in the past week, my body just feels tired all the time. I feel stressed, anxious. What do I do about it? I keep shoving any food I can get to into my face and say I’ll start again tomorrow. That’s been really pretty much the sum of my adult life. I’ll gain weight, lose it for a while, gain weight, lose it for a while and never consistently keep it off.

Something needs to change. What is it?

I can’t keep doing this same thing and expect a different outcome. They say that’s the definition of insanity, right?! I’ve tried the workouts (P90X, NLXF, Crossfit, T25), worked out at gyms (LA Fitness, Planet Fitness, YMCA), tried having 1 cheat day a week, Noom, eating 1/2 of my french fries (my brother still makes fun of me for that). They all worked (except maybe the french fries), but they never stayed. So, what was wrong with them? There was one common denominator: Me.

ENVIRONMENTAL CHANGE // According to his blog on improving health and productivity, James Clear, author of Atomic Habits shares, “Making changes can be difficult. It’s hard to get motivated to do something over and over again – even when we know that it’s good for you.” Later on in the article he says, “You may think that you control most of your choices, but the truth is that a large portion of your actions every day are simply a response to the environment design around you.” He goes on to give some great tips of simple ways you can change the environment around you to get more of the outcomes that you want. If you want to floss more, make floss easier to get to. If you want to eat more fruit and less cookies – hide the cookies and put the fruit on the counter.

Where do I start? Do I go through all of my kitchen cupboards and throw away everything that isn’t going to get me where I want to go? Do I wake up at 5 AM every day and workout? Do I just eat clean foods that will better fuel my body? Yes.

Is that a simple enough answer? Listen, we all know what we need to do to become healthy, but we just usually choose the other option, right? I mean, c’mon! What is it going to take to change from knowing what we should do to transition to doing what we should do? I don’t know that answer yet, but you’re welcome to come along on this journey with me as I’m looking for a sustainable healthy lifestyle.

WHAT I’M TRYING // I’m going to try exactly what I said above. I’m going to start going to bed at 9:00 PM and getting up at 5:00 AM each morning. I still don’t know exactly what I’m going to do at that time, but I want to start the habit of showing up and I’ll figure it out as I go. I also plan on getting rid of those foods that don’t help me. Doesn’t mean I will never get to eat them, but I want them out of the house, and I want it to take an extra effort to eat the things that I don’t need. I also want to be picky about it – when I’m going to eat something that I won’t get very often, it’s gotta be the best! I’m talking Cheesecake Factory, not instant cheesecake. Lastly, I’m going to pretend I’m a healthy person and put food into my body like that healthy person I always imagined I would be. Maybe I can fake it until I make it!

GETTING STARTED // If you’re crazy enough, you’re welcome to join me in anything I’m trying here. Anytime you’re trying something that could effect your health, it’s good to run it by your Dr. If you aren’t interested in what I’m going to do, what is a habit you would like to start or stop? What is one thing you can do tomorrow to make it easier to start? Or what is one thing you can do to make it easier to quit?

TO MY BOYS // “You are one of the main reasons I’m doing this. I want to be there for you for a long time, and I realize that right now I’m only getting in my way. I’m so proud of you. I’m thankful every day that I get to be your dad! You are the very best parts of me. You are dearly loved by your mom and me. Now go out there and do your best.” – Dad

THE ASCENT Part 3

Published on September 22, 2022September 21, 2022 by nimaj31 Comment

Backsliding // I have never hiked a long, trecherous journey up a mountain before. Most of my experience is from watching movies like Lord of the Rings or Everest. In these movies you never expect it to be an easy expedition. Who wants to watch Frodo be gifted a new piece of jewelry and just skip his way to a volcano top to throw it away, then skip his way back to the Shire to live our the rest of his days? That would be terribly boring. We need to see the hero face their deepest fears, overcome nearly impossible odds, and defeat the villain when it seems most unlikely. In Lord of the Rings, there were 3 movies and over 9 hours of obstacles, before ultimately making it to Mount Doom to destroy the ring. In Everest, it was reaching the summit of Mount Everest through the most treacherous of storms. All of these characters faced setbacks along the way to their ascent.

This past month has been my first setback since beginning my Ascent to 100 years-old. It’s been a struggle for me to wakeup every morning. I have the best intentions of eating healthy food each morning and throughout the day, then find any excuse I can to eat junk food instead. Once I enjoy one sweet treat, then I might as well just eat what I want for the rest of the day and reset tomorrow. Unfortunately, tomorrow can become twenty one tomorrows. I’ve also been dealing with a tight achilles, lost my new running shoes (left them at a softball tournament, never to be found), pulled a muscle in my back, and have been struggling with constant feelings of sadness and anxiety. The best way I could explain it to my wife, Amy, is that I just felt off. I don’t feel like me. I believe it’s depression. That’s a difficult word to write, it’s even harder to say. I’ve been feeling so disconnected and far from God and disconnected from pretty much all people.

Thankfully this is not the end.

WIN TODAY // Somehow, I’ve been keeping up with my 20+ push-ups, which is now up to 27+ push-ups and 10 pull-ups. For further explanation, see The Ascent Part 2. That’s pretty much the only thing I’ve stuck with. I haven’t been running or walking since I lost my shoes, and I’ve been eating junk food like a junior higher that was given a year’s allowance in one day.

Today is a different day, though.

Nick Saban is one of the winningest coaches in college football today. He coaches one of my least favorite college football teams in America, the dreaded Alabama Crimson Tide. They are basically the Yankees of college football – I love to watch them…lose, mainly because it rarely happens. Though I don’t like the team, I do like the motto that Saban coaches by, “Win this down.” Don’t focus on what happened or what could happen, but put all the energy you have into winning this play, right now. Then do it again, and again, and again. I am re-implementing this mentality that I all-to-easily forget: Win Today.

I am choosing to take the ascent on one day, one meal, one step at a time. I am committing to winning today, no matter how I failed yesterday or what obstacles will come tomorrow. I will win today. Then I’ll win tomorrow, and the next day, then the next.

MY UPDATE // 07.21.2022 vs.09.21.2022

7.21.2022 [above] // 09.21.2022 [below]

	BASELINE // 07.22.2022	UPDATE // 09.21.2022
WEIGHT	209 LBS	210.5 LBS (up 5 lbs from last month)
LDH	120 U/L (low by 35)	No Update
Cholesterol	209 mg/dL (high by 9)	No Update
HDL	132 mg/dL (high by 32)	No Update
3 Mile Run	33:04	Didn’t run all month

As you can see from above, September was not a month of progress. I gained five pounds in the last month and haven’t run since I lost my running shoes, and I’ve been trying to get my achilles to heal.

GETTING STARTED // What setbacks are you facing? What is one area you’ve been trying to see breakthrough for years and find yourself back in the same place? Smoking? Pornography? Food? Saying Yes? Work? Your Marriage?

It starts by figuring out your Why. Why is it that you want this change in your life? My Why is that I am going to be 60 when my youngest turns 20 years old and I want to be able to keep up with my kids even then. I also want to be there to hold my grandchildren. Actually, I want to be the one that officiates their weddings! Find your Why, write it down, and remind yourself of it every morning, every time you don’t want to wake up, and every time you feel discouraged or tempted to fall back into the same patterns.

ALL THINGS // Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Your Why is absolutely important, but what’s more important is knowing that there is a God who loves you. He sent his son, Jesus, to die for you, then Jesus came back 3 days later and conquered death forever so you can have freedom and a forever home in heaven one day. You are enough, whether you accomplish your goal or not. You are enough.

TO MY BOYS // “I’m so proud of you. I’m thankful every day that I get to be your dad! You are the very best parts of me. You are dearly loved by your mom and me. Now go out there and do your best.” – Dad

SPENDING YOUR DAYS

Published on September 15, 2022September 14, 2022 by nimaj3Leave a comment

TIME // Time is the most finite resource we have on this earth. My dad, Gerry Wass, died when he was only sixty years old, just 6 days shy of his sixty-first birthday. His birthday was the day of his funeral. I recently turned 40 and couldn’t help by think, “What would my dad have done differently if he knew he only had 20 years left; that 2/3 of this life had already been spent?”

I don’t know the answer to that lonely question. I’m forever left just to speculate.

Here’s what I would speculate:

He would’ve quit his job and done something that he would’ve actually enjoyed for work.
In fact, he would’ve retired early, instead of working almost up until the day he died.
He wouldn’t have been so cheap. He proved that by whipping out his checkbook to buy a boat just a few years before he died. That was not very Gerry at all!
He wouldn’t have gotten so anxious about stuff that never happened or didn’t matter.
He would’ve spent every waking moment with the people he really cared about.
He would’ve written a letter to my sons, that he would never meet on this side of Heaven.

YOUR LIFE // The (morbid) reality is that any of us could get hit by a car tomorrow, have a heart attack, die from surgery complications, or get news from the Dr. that we have cancer, like my dad. Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”

What’s amazing with this moment right now is that you are still alive. That is such a gift! Who knows how much longer you’ll be here? If you knew that you only had 5, 10, or 20 years left on this earth. What would you do different today? What’s keeping you from doing it?

GETTING STARTED // Have you taken time to think about what you want to do with your life? It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and then a blink turns into 5 years gone by. Sit down and take some time to map out what you would like your next 5 years to look like. Make some goals. Be intentional with those people in your life that you want to spend time with. Most of all, remember to spend your hours and days wisely. You will never get them back and you aren’t guaranteed any more.

A BREATHING EXERCISE

Published on August 11, 2022August 6, 2022 by nimaj3Leave a comment

JUST BREATHE // About 5 1/2 years ago, I experienced deep anxiety like I’d never felt before. I constantly felt like I was about to drown, just barely keeping my mouth out of water. I lived in fear that I was doing something wrong all the time. I lost 20 pounds because I had no appetite. I constantly had clammy hands, or I’d breakout in an uncontrollable sweat. I usually called it Irrational Fear. When I stepped back to look at the situation or imaginary outcome that I was so afraid of it was easy to see that it made absolutely no sense, but I still couldn’t control the feeling of anxiety, and I would let those feelings control me.

Fast forward to today. I still deal with anxiety, but it’s less frequent and typically less extreme. I stopped calling it my anxiety, like it was part of my identity, and I went through a program at my church called School of Kingdom Ministry that reminded me of who I am in Christ Jesus. So powerful!

I’ve been reading a book called How to Do Work by Nicole LePera. This book isn’t a book to help you learn how to work better on the job, but how to work on yourself by recognizing your patterns and healing from your past. The section that has stuck with me is a breathing exercise. Here are the steps:

Start on an empty stomach // Do this exercise either in the morning or at night.
Sit or lay down // Find a place with no distractions, or as few as possible. It’s important to not be standing or driving while doing new breathing exercise in case it makes you dizzy.
Inhale // Take a deep breath with your nose from the lowest part in your stomach. Breath as deep as you can go!
Hold // When you can’t take in anymore air hold your breath for 2-3 seconds.
Slowly exhale // Let the air exit your mouth without any force.
Regular breath // Take one regular breath between each deep breath.
Repeat 10x // Repeat this sequence 10 times, but for no longer than a minute starting out. When you get really good at it, the goal is to get up to five minutes.

A breathing exercise like this one has many benefits. It can help you be calm and more at peace. It increases lung capacity. Breathing exercises also help with stress tolerance. Going through anxiety, I have found that focusing on breathing can help take your mind off of the anxiety and on something you can control – your breath. Just today I was at the pool with my family. My 3 year old son is learning how to basically doggy paddle with a life jacket on. He’s still learning to get comfortable with holding his breath, so he panics immediately when he inhales some water. He starts flailing, and his eyes get huge as if he’s about to drown. My wife and I calmly tell him the exact same two words: Just Breathe. Once he focuses on his breath, he’s suddenly back in control and slowly paddling his way towards the ladder like nothing happened – this cute little puppy in a life jacket.

GETTING STARTED // This is a very simple one – just give the breathing exercise a try! I have found when I do it that I really can’t breathe very deep at all, but after I get 4 or 5 breaths in I can feel the difference.

YOU’RE NOT ALONE // If you are currently struggling with anxiety, know that you’re not alone. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You have people that care about you and want to help. There’s a Bible verse that I’ve clung to through all my struggles with anxiety. It’s Colossians 3:2-3, “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” There’s also a song that helped me called Breathe by Jonny Diaz.